The Worm

So, I got to the part of the bottle where the worm lives one night.  One of my fraternity brothers thought it was a good idea to smoke me out too.  If you don't know what that means, it has something to do with chicken wings.  

Somehow I made my way from the KA house to CS's, maybe 50 yards away, across West street.  I'm pretty sure it took a couple of hours to get there.  I kept turning in the wrong direction.

So, I make it into CS's and manage to somehow prop myself up to the bar.  Inez says, "can I get you somethin'" and I said, "Hey, baby." and nothing more.  

After a while, I don't know how long a while, my friend Beeve came to talk to me.  We called him Beeve because he reminded us of the guy on Leave it to Beaver on television.   Beeve talked to me about this and that and asked many questions, and was genuinely glad to see me, as Beeve always was.

After a while, I don't know how long a while, I looked at my friend Beeve, and I said, "Hey, Beeve.  I don't know why you're talking to me.  I have no idea what you're saying.  I don't even know who you are."  

I can't remember a single word he said, but I'll always remember the hurt look on his face when I said I didn't recognize him.  This was apparently a very hurtful transgression, one I did my best not to repeat.  Mezcal is a very strong medicine.  Whatever the hell brother Wedie gave me to smoke was even worse.  I learned not to take anything from him.

Godiva Chocolates

Godiva Chocolates makes something like eighty percent of their sales around valentines day.

I used to know someone.  Everyone thought she was almost always happy and always laughing.  That wasn't real, though.  Her smile was very convincing, but she was almost always unhappy, afraid, and worried about her future.  Not everyone knew what was going on inside her, but she trusted me.  Her smile meant more than gold to me, when I could get it.

Every few weeks, I would overnight a small box of assorted Godiva white chocolates to Memphis because Godiva White Chocolates were sometimes the only thing that made her feel better, even though it never lasted.  

Love doesn't always bring happiness.  I tried with all my strength to lift the darkness that surrounded her life, but all I could manage was an hour or two of sunlight.  Sometimes a few days, then the darkness always came back.  I failed.  Eventually, the darkness became all she had in life.  I shouldn't feel responsible for not fixing that, but I do.  I always will.  Knowing I wasn't responsible doesn't take the ache away. I was the owl man.

"Will chocolate make it better? Just for today?"

"What kind?"

"What kind do you like?"

"You know what kind I like," She said.

"Sleep now.  When you wake up tomorrow, a man will bring you chocolates.  I love you--you know."  

"I know you do."  She said.

"I wish it helped more.  I wish something would help more."

"I know you do." She said.

"My love can't make you well, but maybe it'll make you smile for a day.  I'll keep trying."

"I know you will."  She said.

I didn't keep trying, though.  In time, I gave up on her too.  Sometimes, loving someone that sad can pull the life out of you.  When I look back on it, she was probably pushing me away.  She knew that she was so sad herself that she could never love me back, and in her own way, she didn't want to see me hurt too.  

She smiled and ate her chocolates, and I kissed her head and held her hand.  My love couldn't make her well, but it could make her smile.  I'll take what I can get.