Try not to read too much into this. It's real, but it's a combination of several conversations with more than one person over a period of time. What's important is that I somehow understand what they were feeling, even though it was many years ago now. Maybe I'm trying to figure out what I was feeling, too. What I was thinking. Why I was caught so very flat-footed, hit between the eyes when I was supposed to be the observant one. I don't hold any grudges. It's all just a whisper of a memory. I've never stopped caring for anyone, no matter what happened. Sometimes, I just wasn't able to be what they needed me to be.
Robert:
"Whatever it takes, I feel obligated to try and work things out."
Lisa:
"I know"
Robert:
"I've invested a great deal of time...you're important to me. Your happiness, it's important to me. I've invested..."
"I know"
Robert:
"Try to explain to me... Tell me. Tell me, what went wrong? What happened?"
Lisa:
"It wasn't real."
Robert:
"Wasn't real? What do you mean? What wasn't real?"
Lisa:
"none of it."
Robert:
"None of what?"
Lisa:
"None of what was happening. None of it is what I wanted. None of it is what I ever wanted."
Robert:
"But, you said... We had plans. You said this is what you wanted. You said I was doing what you wanted, what you needed. We went to... We did things ... How could none of it have been real?"
Lisa:
"I was taking a lot of pills."
Robert:
"I knew,"
Lisa:
"You knew what?"
Robert:
"I knew about the pills, ok? I knew."
Lisa:
"They made me do things, say things...It's not my fault."
Robert:
"Was it my fault?"
Lisa:
"You let it happen."
Robert:
"Let what happen?"
Lisa:
"You let me do it."
Robert:
"I was doing... I was trying to do... You said you needed me to do these things."
Lisa:
"I said a lot of things. They weren't real."
Robert:
"I don't understand."
Lisa:
"They weren't real."
Robert:
"To me... What I said was real! What I did... I meant it. I meant all of it. I was telling the truth!"
Lisa:
"I know."
Robert:
"I...What do I do now? Where do we stand?'
Lisa:
"We don't. You move on."
Robert:
"I don't understand. I did... I did what I was supposed to do. I did what I said I would do. I did what YOU said you needed me to do. I was telling the truth. The whole time. I meant what I said. I felt what I said. I did what I was supposed to do! How is a man supposed to know what to do? I acted on what you said, on what you did. I responded to what you said, what you said you were feeling, what you said you needed. I did what I was supposed to do."
Lisa:
"It wasn't real."
Robert:
"It wasn't real. You said that. It wasn't real. How am I supposed to know what's real?"
Lisa:
"You don't."
Robert:
"I just was just. I wanted to do the right thing."
Lisa:"
I know. You have a right to be angry."
Robert:
"I'm not. I'm trying not to be. Me getting angry doesn't solve anything. I'm not angry. I'm not!"
Lisa:
"There's nothing to solve. I have to move on."
Robert:
"Move on? Move on where?"
Lisa:"
I have a job. Friends. A life. I'll move on."
Robert:
"I'm not sure what I have. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was helping."
Lisa:
"You helped a lot."
Robert:
"At least that was real?"
Lisa:
"I have to move on. You have to move on. I can't live a lie."
Robert:
"you... you lied to me."
Lisa:
"I have to go."
Robert:
"I'm staying... I'm staying here for a while. You. All of it was lies?"
Lisa:
"I have to go."
Robert:
"I'll go. I'll go too. I don't know when."
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