Where to From Here

For many years now, I've been digging into Jackson's past, trying to figure out in my own mind what really happened between 1950 and 1970 with regard to Jackson's schools.  My initial motivation was to find out what part and what responsibility my dad and my Uncle Boyd played in all this.

For a while, I've been thinking, maybe this could be a book.  Maybe I could start with my High School Science Teacher giving me his opinion on what made my private high school different from the other private high schools, and then in subsequent chapters, writing out all the stuff I've collected over the years.

This project, at times, borders on an obsession.  Lately, I've been thinking that anybody I could hold accountable is dead.  Anybody whom I could absolve is also dead.  I was just a kid.  Nearly everybody in this story who is still alive was also either a kid or a very young teacher, and while very young teachers can be very brave, and some were, they were also not accountable.  

Part of what I wanted to accomplish was to resolve in my own mind whether or not my Father and Uncle ruined Jackson.  I think I've done that.  I also wanted to resolve in my own mind that my private school was different from the other private schools, both in its origins and purposes.  I think I've done that.  

Among other things, I can tell you that St. Andrews, through the years, paid a price for not playing along with the Mississippi Private School Association.  Even though St. Andrews tops every measurable aspect of a school in Mississippi, they still face challenges for not joining the Midsouth Association of Independent Schools.

What happened to the schools in Jackson created a panic that ended in one of the worst cases of white flight in the 20th century, a panic that left Jackson bereft of needed resources and a population that continues to decline.

I think my motivations for studying this were probably selfish, even though I was seven when it happened, and so were nearly all of my friends.  

I don't know what the future of this project is.  There is an awful lot of fiction I want to do, and I worry sometimes that I can't do both.  I'm also worried that I might be trying to vindicate myself when nobody is accusing me.  There's no real mystery about what happened in Jackson and what its impact was.  What happened in Jackson basically turned Madison, Brandon, and Pearl into Jackson, or whatever Jackson was, and Jackson proper is left as a sort of unresolved mess that a lot of people wish would just go away.  

A lot of times when I write, I confess.  This is me confessing.  I don't know where to go from here.